This Japan I'm In is Awesome!

Where to begin. Today was a long day! We walked a long way to some amazing shopping centers, cram-jam-pammed all together. The awesome thing is, there was street after street of covered shopping arcades, and every store we went into was several stories tall of whatever their specialty was. Go into a bookstore? Seven stories of a bookstore. Sock store? Twenty-eight stories of argyle. Oh, but my achin' dogs! We had sushi for lunch, from a real live conveyor belt. I had my favorite, unagi, or grilled eel. Eel is super tasty, probably mostly because it reminds me of catfish. More walking, more shops, more walking, more people. I find that Japanese ladies are by and large very attractive. They're just so dang cute! I want to keep one. Can I please take one home with me? Just one? Surely you can spare one, they have plenty here, and surely they're making more all the time! We were traveling through the amazing, seemingly never-ending Shinsaibashi shopping district. There was Amerika-mura, but I don't think we actually hit that. We did get a little bit lost, but I didn't think it was that big of a deal. We had a map, and there's only so "lost" you can be when you like everywhere you find yourself to be. Then we keep walking and we find the inevitable porn... something. Shop? Titty bar? I have no idea, we didn't go in, we just kept going along. But clearly, there were titties available to be had in some format or another.
Titties. I'll say it again: titties. Thank you for reading. Apparently, David is a sex machine. So... look out ladies! Or lunch, whatever is on that sign. Then we kept walking even more, amid yet more unending throngs, and keep in mind that it's barely past noon, and there's just a hojillion people everywhere, and probably one out of ten is riding a bicycle (this is a pretty bicycle-oriented country I guess?) and once in a while a cross-street or alleyway will have a car coming down, so you have to look out for all manner of everything. Taxi, bike, precocious little brat, super aged oldster, hot chicks, extremely, weirdly short little Brazilians (what was up with that guy? Giving me the evil eye for some reason...), you name it. Then finally we reached Den-Den Town. This was the area where all my wildest dreams didn't just come true, they were smashed. Toy store after toy store, electronics store after electronics store, video game store, comics, video, ramen, udon, maids, and of course, porn. We visited the inevitable porn comics shop, it was like three stories of... well you just have to visit it yourself. But men and women alike pack this place, perusing its many wares, and nobody seems to have any shame in being there. Buying this stuff. Nobody gave us a sideways glance, so I figured hey, a lot of people put a hell of a lot of effort, carefully crafting pornographic comic books and it would be just rude to not partake in their beloved pastime. There was just so much material, I was going crazy, trying to decide. I really honestly wanted to buy some porn comics, despite the fact that I wouldn't want to buy porn in front of a crowded throng normally, but I just couldn't decide. I kept thinking that basically none of it was safe, I mean, being porn, right? If I picked anything, my friends (oh yeah, all four of us went in!) would say, "Oh, so you like that kind of thing? Oh wow, now I know you're really super perverted!" It doesn't matter which wacky fetish you pick, they're all weird. You'd think I could pick one that just has somebody with big boobs, that would be "normal" for a regular guy to enjoy, right? It's just not that simple, not in this store. It's caled "Melonbooks", if that gives you an idea of the foundation for this adventure. I wound up buying something I thought was hilarious. Something I can chuckle at, while thinking, "Wow. Someone wanted to draw porn of this. Ha. Who knew!" But I suppose that is the Japanese doujinshi artist for you; they'll draw porn of anything and everything. Good for them, I say. But the net effect was, I bought extremely perverted pornographic comics in full view of the shopping public, in front of three of my closest friends, stuff that's so bad it's not even for sale in my country. And the male and female checkers were extremely polite and appreciate of my business, using only the most appropriately polite forms of Japanese language to thank me for my choices and for giving them my business. It was a pretty surreal experience, that when you get right down to it — and I'd hate for this central issue to get ignored — centered around detailed illustrations of a story about a naked girl getting fornicated by some kind of monster I guess. Porn is apparently not that big of a deal here in Japan I guess.

Also, I just drank a beer in about eleven seconds. Yep. Pretty drunk as I write this. As Murderface would say, "Just face it, I'm. A great speller."